I acknowledge that I have altogether too many reservations.
I acknowledge that I live my life with entirely too much caution.
Now, for the purposes of this enbloggenment endeavor, I also reserve the following:
I reserve the right to write about whatever I damned well feel like writing about on any given day, consistency be damned. If I say I intend to write about a certain thing “next,” this extends to the right to put that “next” thing off for any length of time if I come up with other ideas first, or possibly not to actually write about it at all. Still, it is entirely possible that some awkward span of time will pass without any updates. These things happen. CAUTION: MIND THE GAP
I reserve the right to ramble. I can and will express the same basic concept multiple times, refining the terminology or metaphor, until I come up with the exact turn of phrase that says exactly what I intend. I further reserve the right to NOT clean up afterward, and to preserve my scattershot thought processes intact. CAUTION: FLOOR HAZARD
I reserve the right to poetic license and hyperbole for the purposes of hilarity. This does not extend to outright lying my ass off.
I reserve the right to retract previous statements or correct past posts, if I’ve inadvertantly said things wrong. I will not edit past posts, save to strikethrough the offending bits and add a link to the retraction.
If people somehow actually comment on this thing, and if in their comments they are being some manner of butthole, I reserve the right to delete their comments, moderate them in hilarious ways, or feed the trolls if it seems entertaining to me to do so.
I reserve the right to start thinking about how to write for an “audience” after I’m done wanting to hide under a bush at the concept of having an audience in the first place.
I reserve the right to be pedantic. I love explaining things – not for any kind of patronizing know-it-all power trip, but out of the love of words, and the love of using words to try to encapsulate a concept or event as clearly and evocatively as possible.
I also reserve the right to be dispense abject ridiculousness.
I reserve the right to abuse the em dash in ways that would make even Emily Dickenson blush. I will make up for this by unflaggingly proper use of the semicolon.
I reserve the right to emit the very purplest of prose.
I also reserve the right to perpetuate ridiculous memes and strange slang, and to elsewise do my part to churn even the most stinking froth of the Internet’s collective consciousness unto the shoals of other minds. I hereby vow that I will never resort to AOLspeak nor text speak, save for the purposes of mockery. CAUTION: INDIE CAPS AND BREATHLESSLY UNPUNCTUATED RUNON SENTENCES ARE STILL TOTALLY FAIR GAME YOU GUYS HAHA WOOOOO
I also reserve the right to dispense profanity. CAUTION: MAY EMIT SHOWERS OF SWEARS
I also reserve the right to abuse the words “just,” “so as to,” “however,” “moreover,” and practically anything with altogether too many letters and/or syllables for casual human consumption. CAUTION: UNREPENTANT POLYSYLLABERY
I reserve the right to self-contradiction: to try different angles, attitudes, and approaches to a given concept at a given time, in hopes of syncretizing them into one versatile method. I may go back and forth between them as I explore. CAUTION: WAFFLE CROSSING
I reserve the belief that all statements are true in some sense, false in some sense, meaningless in some sense, true and false in some sense, true and meaningless in some sense, false and meaningless in some sense, and true and false and meaningless in some sense. CAUTION: YES EVEN THAT
I reserve the right to add to or amend this Manifesto in the future.